Accepting Change

Accept change and be ready to adapt to changing lives, situations, and conditions. The more we shy away from change the more we remain the same and stagnant. We become stuck.

I have been a victim of this. Staying in a place beyond your welcome. Overstaying the visit in a relationship that is no longer working. One that died years ago. Are you still waiting for miracles?

You have tried everything, and your parents and his parents have sat both of you down and talked and tried to reconcile you but that did not produce results either.

Do not overstay your welcome in a job either. Once I used to complain to my husband daily how frustrated and unhappy I was in my job. He told me “You know you can resign that job; you don’t have to stay.” That day a light bulb went off in my head.

When I reported to work, the first thing that I did was to type in my resignation and send it to the manager. Then I searched and applied for another job that was a better fit for me.

That was the best decision I ever made. I left a high strung, physically, mentally, and emotionally draining job for something good and manageable.

Focus on things you can control and change. Focus on what you can change. Things like diet, exercise, sleep, to improve your physical and mental health.

Make choices that are good for your mental and physical health. Invest in yourself. Do not focus on things like age as you cannot do anything about that. To become mentally strong, you should focus on what you can change.

Likewise, you cannot control the decisions other people make. You cannot make someone love you. You cannot make your man choose to be home with you, instead of being away with “friends”.

That is a decision he makes whether you like to accept that or not. You can only control yourself, what you do and/or do not do. You can decide to honor your marriage vows but cannot force the other person to do the same.

Trying to control everything leads to anxiety, waste of time, becoming a control freak, being judgmental, and being overworked.

𝑰𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒍𝒆𝒕 𝒈𝒐 𝒂 𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒕𝒍𝒆, 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒂 𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒕𝒍𝒆 𝒑𝒆𝒂𝒄𝒆. 𝑰𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒍𝒆𝒕 𝒈𝒐 𝒂 𝒍𝒐𝒕, 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒂 𝒍𝒐𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒑𝒆𝒂𝒄𝒆. 𝑰𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒍𝒆𝒕 𝒈𝒐 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒑𝒍𝒆𝒕𝒆𝒍𝒚, 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒑𝒍𝒆𝒕𝒆 𝒑𝒆𝒂𝒄𝒆. – 𝑨𝒋𝒂𝒉𝒏 𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒉

RESILIENCE

“𝑾𝒆 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒃𝒂𝒕𝒕𝒍𝒆𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒇𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕. 𝑨𝒏𝒅 𝒊𝒕’𝒔 𝒐𝒇𝒕𝒆𝒏 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒔𝒆 𝒃𝒂𝒕𝒕𝒍𝒆𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒘𝒆 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒗𝒆: 𝒊𝒕’𝒔 𝒐𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒇𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒆𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒍𝒊𝒗𝒆𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒘𝒆 𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒏 𝒘𝒊𝒔𝒅𝒐𝒎, 𝒄𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒋𝒐𝒚, 𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒈𝒆 𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑𝒔, 𝒅𝒊𝒔𝒄𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒊𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒔, 𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒅 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒅𝒐 𝒑𝒖𝒓𝒑𝒐𝒔𝒆𝒇𝒖𝒍 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒌.” ― 𝑬𝒓𝒊𝒄 𝑮𝒓𝒆𝒊𝒕𝒆𝒏𝒔, 𝑹𝒆𝒔𝒊𝒍𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒄𝒆

Resilience is the ability to bounce back after setbacks in life. Resilient people have mastered the art of going past what has hit them, growing, and thriving in face of adversities and change.

I am 56 years old, and I cannot think of a time in my life when things were just calm and smooth. There’s always something happening, sometimes more stressful, more tragic, than others, but something is always happening that affects my life.

Sometimes I sit back and ask myself why this is like that. My motto is that life happens, some things you can control, others you can’t, and you must make the best out of those you cannot control so that you may survive. It is not the end of the world yet.

To be resilient you have to;

Be intentional in everything that you do.

Do not make decisions irrationally.

Be engaged in habits of success because you will always be challenged.

Be prepared for battle, both big and small.

Make sure you always have your visions and goals in focus.

If you do not accept life’s challenges, you will never know how resilient you are or your abilities in face of adversity.

The more challenged you are the better you build your level of resilience. In time you will be able to do more and do it with grace, peace, and effectiveness. You become empowered to navigate challenges, succeed, survive, and thrive.

Be resilient.

I know some of you are going through a lot of pain currently.

You may have lost everything you ever worked for.

Some of you have lost your children in the process and someone else is with them.

You may have lost your job in the process due what has been going on in your life.

Your husband may be living with another woman and completely neglecting you and your children who are also his children.

You may be going through grief of not just one loss, but multiple loses.

All I want to tell you is that you are stronger than you think if you are reading this.

Be resilient.

Say to yourself that it is a major blow, but you will find a way out. Get a support system. Be determined not to repeat your mistakes again. Tell yourself that you will survive this. You can start over. Get yourself a coach to walk with you.

A coach will help you move on, be your cheerleader and provide focus. A coach will give you a mirror to help you look inside and find the untapped potential and possibilities that you have in order to move forward and thrive.

“𝑳𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒚 𝒔𝒆𝒆𝒅𝒔 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒑𝒐𝒕𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝒑𝒐𝒘𝒆𝒓 𝒕𝒐 𝒑𝒖𝒔𝒉 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝒕𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝒈𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒃𝒆𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒎𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒚 𝒕𝒓𝒆𝒆𝒔, 𝒘𝒆 𝒉𝒐𝒍𝒅 𝒊𝒏𝒏𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒆𝒓𝒗𝒆𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒖𝒏𝒊𝒎𝒂𝒈𝒊𝒏𝒂𝒃𝒍𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒆𝒏𝒈𝒕𝒉. 𝑾𝒆 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒊𝒍𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒕.”― 𝑪𝒂𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒆 𝑫𝒆𝑽𝒓𝒚𝒆, 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑮𝒊𝒇𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝑵𝒂𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒆

“𝑰 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒃𝒆 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒅 𝒃𝒚 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒆𝒏𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒆. 𝑩𝒖𝒕 𝑰 𝒓𝒆𝒇𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒅𝒖𝒄𝒆𝒅 𝒃𝒚 𝒊𝒕.” ― 𝑴𝒂𝒚𝒂 𝑨𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒍𝒐𝒖

Insecurity

“𝑬𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚𝒃𝒐𝒅𝒚 𝒉𝒂𝒔 𝒂 𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒃𝒐𝒅𝒚 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒔𝒉𝒆 𝒅𝒐𝒆𝒔𝒏’𝒕 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆, 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝑰’𝒗𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒑𝒑𝒆𝒅 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒊𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝑰 𝒅𝒐𝒏’𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒄𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒒𝒖𝒆 𝒏𝒂𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒆’𝒔 𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒊𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒌 … 𝑴𝒚 𝒋𝒐𝒃 𝒊𝒔 𝒔𝒊𝒎𝒑𝒍𝒚 𝒕𝒐 𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒐𝒘 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒍𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒆 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒎𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒑𝒊𝒆𝒄𝒆.” — 𝑨𝒍𝒇𝒓𝒆 𝑾𝒐𝒐𝒅𝒂𝒓𝒅

“𝑫𝒐𝒏’𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆 𝒔𝒐 𝒎𝒖𝒄𝒉 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝒎𝒖𝒄𝒉 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒆𝒊𝒈𝒉. 𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒏𝒐 𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒅-𝒏𝒖𝒎𝒃𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝒃𝒐𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝒊𝒅𝒊𝒐𝒕𝒊𝒄, 𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇-𝒅𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒖𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒅𝒊𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒊𝒐𝒏 𝒇𝒓𝒐𝒎 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒇𝒖𝒏 𝒐𝒇 𝒍𝒊𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈.” — 𝑴𝒆𝒓𝒚𝒍 𝑺𝒕𝒓𝒆𝒆𝒑

To be confident and aim for independence, you need to be in love with yourself and that includes being in love with the body that you have. We cannot all look like Beyonce, it would be boring, but we can be ourselves. There is beauty in being different. You are able to admire the other person without wanting to look like them.

That is how we are able to admire and want to be in a relationship with the opposite sex. We are so different and yet we hope to live together and love each other. Any time you become insecure and feel like you do not look good, or look young, or skinny, remember that there is someone out there who admires you, and love you just the way you are. That might be your mother, father, siblings, or your children. They will not want you to look like anyone else. They want you to remain you, because that is what they love. YOU.

As you get older start admiring those wrinkles when they appear, it shows that you have live. Those grey hairs that appear when you are still in your thirties are disheartening, but again, they augment your overall look. Start embracing them, instead of hating yourself. You are not your grey hair, you are better than that. You are you.

When those love handles start to appear and refuse to go away no matter how hard you try to diet, then understand that you are going through life and hormones and other things are playing trick on your body. Take care of your health and embrace who you are becoming, looks, body shape, body size and all.

Comparing and hating yourself will only further feed into your general insecurity. The feeling that you are inadequate. You are not as good as ….. The other woman is more beautiful, more smart, more educated, younger, and with the perfect figure. No.

You do not know her story. You do not know her insecurities, sickness, fears or inadequacies that she is going through. Do not waste your time thinking or comparing yourself to her or to others. You were made perfect. Look at that mirror and start loving the person looking back at you.

“𝑻𝒐 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇 𝒂𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒂 𝒎𝒊𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒍𝒆, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒆𝒆𝒌 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒇𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇, 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒏𝒐𝒘. 𝑨𝒏𝒅 𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒊𝒔 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒘𝒆 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒘𝒉𝒐 𝒘𝒆 𝒂𝒓𝒆.” — 𝑨𝒏𝒏𝒆 𝑳𝒂𝒎𝒐

“𝑬𝒂𝒄𝒉 𝒊𝒏𝒅𝒊𝒗𝒊𝒅𝒖𝒂𝒍 𝒘𝒐𝒎𝒂𝒏’𝒔 𝒃𝒐𝒅𝒚 𝒅𝒆𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆 𝒂𝒄𝒄𝒆𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒐𝒏 𝒊𝒕𝒔 𝒐𝒘𝒏 𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒎𝒔.” — 𝑮𝒍𝒐𝒓𝒊𝒂 𝑺𝒕𝒆𝒊𝒏𝒆𝒎𝒕𝒕

Don’t be Envious—cheer them

Are you Envious? Don’t be. You do you.

“𝑺𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒍𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒏𝒐 𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒓 𝒂 𝒍𝒂𝒄𝒌 𝒐𝒇 𝒐𝒑𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔 – 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒂 𝒄𝒉𝒐𝒊𝒄𝒆. 𝑨 𝒄𝒉𝒐𝒊𝒄𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒓𝒆𝒇𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒍𝒆𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆 𝒃𝒆 𝒅𝒆𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒆𝒅 𝒃𝒚 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒖𝒔 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒍𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚 𝒅𝒂𝒚 𝑯𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒊𝒍𝒚 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒍𝒆𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝑬𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝑨𝒇𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒌 𝒊𝒕𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇 𝒐𝒖𝒕.” ― 𝑴𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒚 𝑯𝒂𝒍𝒆

Are all your college mates married or in steady relationships? Do you look around you and everyone has somebody except you? Are you the perpetual bridesmaid and you have watched all your girlfriends getting married? Are you under pressure to bring someone home because all your younger sisters are married?

Don’t be. Know that most of those in relationships and marriages are looking at you with envy. They envy the freedom that you have. They envy the fact that you can do so much; travel, visit places, start projects, and just be carefree. They envy the fact that nothing and no one is trying to pull you down, and you go to bed peaceful enjoying your sleep. They envy that no one is calling you names, disregarding you, or ignoring you.

They cannot share their pain because they do not want to spoil the picture-perfect relationship they seem to have. The 'status' or being married or 'in a relationship'. They need to continue living the lie, so they continue acting perfect buddies with their boyfriends/husbands when in reality they are fighting over everything from children, to finances, to personal freedom, infidelity, and household expenditures.

Life is hard for couples currently. Budgets do not balance out and the stress to families is getting worse by the day. At least when you are by yourself, you know how you can budget and stay the course. You can make your money work for you. You decide what to do and when, and you honor your priorities.

Before you start envying others, be grateful for the peace you have, the ability to tune out everything and go to bed in peace. Be grateful that you can wake up and make your own decisions without having to think about 3-4 or more people, both big and small people.

You can still cheer your sisters who have achieved milestones or a life that you have been dreaming of having as you work through your journey. We are all on different paths to where we want to go. Sometimes the destination seems similar to those around us, but the route to get there is different. Some people reach there faster than others, while others take many detours. In the end you might reach your destination. And because life is unpredictable, sometimes some people may not reach their destinations. In that case it is better to enjoy the journey as you travel it. Have fun, as you continue pursuing your purpose.

My advice, you do you. Be happy with what you have. Enjoy your freedom. Travel, save, tour, and think of what your purpose is. When you find your purpose, you will realize that you have been preparing for it your whole life. You do you and be happy.

𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒆𝒏𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉. 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒂𝒏𝒚𝒃𝒐𝒅𝒚. - 𝑴𝒂𝒚𝒂 𝑨𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒍𝒐𝒖

Taking Care of Everyone

“𝑨𝒄𝒄𝒆𝒑𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇, 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒌𝒆𝒆𝒑 𝒎𝒐𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒅. 𝑰𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒇𝒍𝒚, 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒈𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒖𝒑 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒘𝒆𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒅𝒐𝒘𝒏.” — 𝑹𝒐𝒚 𝑻. 𝑩𝒆𝒏𝒏𝒆𝒕𝒕

The business of taking care of adults who can well take care of themselves is something you do as a woman. This is from a history of taking care of your brothers and sisters especially if you were the first born or among the eldest in the family. Your mother took care of everyone else and neglected herself. You come from a culture where you are supposed to take care of your husband and all the male in the family.

You are also people pleasing, always sacrificing your time and your resources for those around you.

You were taught to take care of people to be seen as a good desirable wife, a good mother, to go the extra mile, to love thy neighbor. You want to be loved.

The problem in caretaking business is that you also tend to control those that you are caretaking so that you want them to do what you suggest and how you would like it done.

Before you know it, you have become a control freak. But in essence you are controlled by all those around you. You do not have any freedom, and you are the victim here. They all control you, what you do, what you do not do – as you do not want to disappoint them. And more importantly, they control all your resources.

Caretaking should only be reserved for the very small children and the very elderly that are unable to do anything for themselves.

If you are caretaking anyone in between then your life is controlled by those that you are caretaking. What do you do?

• Understand your desire to take care of people around you and practice self-control. Stop it and let others take care of themselves

• Stop sacrificing your happiness for others

• Allow others to assume responsibility for their own lives

• You may have neglected your true responsibilities in the process of helping everyone else. Take care of your true responsibilities.

• Say NO more often

• Refuse to guess what people want, instead ask them what they need from you, then evaluate if they really need it and if you are the right person to provide it for them. Can they get it on their own?

• If it is your husband or boyfriend that you are caretaking including buying him expensive gifts, and you are getting nothing in return, then it is time to have some serious talk with yourself. AND with him.

Stop taking care of people that can take care of themselves. Initially they will be angry and frustrated at you, but they will get the message and adjust. If you lose them, then good riddance, you do not need such people in your life.

Caretaking makes you become an angry parent, angry friend, angry lover, unsatisfied, frustrated, regretful, and confused with unmet needs.

These unmet needs are physical, emotional, and psychological and they build up and boil over. Before long you are spent with nothing to show of it.

Make 2023 the year of Starting Over. Stop the caretaking business.

“𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝒐𝒏𝒍𝒚 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏 𝒘𝒉𝒐 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒑𝒖𝒍𝒍 𝒎𝒆 𝒅𝒐𝒘𝒏 𝒊𝒔 𝒎𝒚𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑰’𝒎 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒈𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒍𝒆𝒕 𝒎𝒚𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇 𝒑𝒖𝒍𝒍 𝒎𝒆 𝒅𝒐𝒘𝒏 𝒂𝒏𝒚𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆.” — 𝑪. 𝑱𝒐𝒚𝒃𝒆𝒍𝒍 𝑪.

Take Care of Yourself

“𝑾𝒆 𝒎𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒃𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒓𝒊𝒅 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆 𝒘𝒆’𝒗𝒆 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒏𝒏𝒆𝒅, 𝒔𝒐 𝒂𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒊𝒔 𝒘𝒂𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒖𝒔. 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝒐𝒍𝒅 𝒔𝒌𝒊𝒏 𝒉𝒂𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆 𝒔𝒉𝒆𝒅 𝒃𝒆𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒏𝒆𝒘 𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆.” – 𝑱𝒐𝒔𝒆𝒑𝒉 𝑪𝒂𝒎𝒑𝒃𝒆𝒍𝒍

Be Healthy, go to church, meditate, sing, praise others, read the bible, read a motivational book, garden, knit, sit in the sun, and enjoy nature. Remember when you were younger, and life was less complicated. Try to get that girl back, take things a little easy. Life happens, and life will continue to happen. Unplug and tend to your spiritual needs.

Be healthy, play. Have fun. Go to the movies, dance to that music, celebrate birthdays, have a band/DJ come over and play music. Celebrate life and let others celebrate with you. You are alive and you are here. Get up and dance.

“𝑵𝒖𝒓𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇 𝒊𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇𝒊𝒔𝒉 – 𝒊𝒕’𝒔 𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒂𝒍 𝒕𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒔𝒖𝒓𝒗𝒊𝒗𝒂𝒍 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒘𝒆𝒍𝒍-𝒃𝒆𝒊𝒏𝒈.” - 𝑹𝒆𝒏𝒆𝒆 𝑷𝒆𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏 𝑻𝒓𝒖𝒅𝒆𝒂𝒖

Be healthy, Travel. Go somewhere new, have a staycation, book a weekend out in a hotel the next city and get out of the house. Enjoy the amenities at that hotel, eat out in the restaurant, be open to meet new people and make new friends. Go somewhere far and learn new cultures. Mingle with the locals.

Be healthy, Be grateful. Be grateful for everything, for life, health, food, friends, family, work. Be grateful all the time. Practice gratitude as your second language. Look at life and people with gratitude mindset and it will surprise you how easy life becomes. You will care less about all the hardships and negativity. You will have less stress, less depression, less disappointments, and you will forgive more.

“𝑨 𝒈𝒓𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒇𝒖𝒍 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒊𝒔 𝒂 𝒃𝒆𝒈𝒊𝒏𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒐𝒇 𝒈𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒔. 𝑰𝒕 𝒊𝒔 𝒂𝒏 𝒆𝒙𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒐𝒏 𝒐𝒇 𝒉𝒖𝒎𝒊𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚. 𝑰𝒕 𝒊𝒔 𝒂 𝒇𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒅𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒍𝒐𝒑𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒔𝒖𝒄𝒉 𝒗𝒊𝒓𝒕𝒖𝒆𝒔 𝒂𝒔 𝒑𝒓𝒂𝒚𝒆𝒓, 𝒇𝒂𝒊𝒕𝒉, 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒂𝒈𝒆, 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕, 𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒊𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒔, 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒘𝒆𝒍𝒍-𝒃𝒆𝒊𝒏𝒈.” - 𝑱𝒂𝒎𝒆𝒔 𝑬. 𝑭𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒕

Be healthy, be forgiving. Life is difficult and full of people who have wronged you. Others continue to wrong you daily. Some people are spiteful, ugly, want to hurt you. They go out of their way to cause you pain and to punish you. Learn to walk away from these kinds of people, then learn to forgive them. Forgive them for your own sake not for their sake. Forgive yourself for all those mistakes that you made. Ask for forgiveness from those you wronged.

“𝑰𝒇 𝒘𝒆 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒅 𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒈𝒊𝒗𝒆𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒔 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒔𝒆 𝒘𝒉𝒐 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆𝒅 𝒖𝒔 𝒉𝒖𝒓𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒊𝒏𝒋𝒖𝒓𝒚, 𝒘𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒓𝒊𝒔𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒂 𝒉𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒍𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒍 𝒐𝒇 𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇-𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒆𝒎 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒘𝒆𝒍𝒍-𝒃𝒆𝒊𝒏𝒈.” - 𝑱𝒂𝒎𝒆𝒔 𝑬. 𝑭𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒕

This year live a life of:

NO EXCUSES

NO EXEPTIONS

NO EXPECTATION

Success - Don’t be afraid of It

“𝑾𝒉𝒊𝒍𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒓𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒐𝒏 𝒐𝒑𝒑𝒐𝒓𝒕𝒖𝒏𝒊𝒕𝒚, 𝒊𝒕 𝒎𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒃𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒐𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒕𝒐 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒊𝒕. 𝑮𝒆𝒕 𝒖𝒑 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒈𝒐 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒊𝒕!” ― 𝒀𝒗𝒐𝒏𝒏𝒆 𝑷𝒊𝒆𝒓𝒓𝒆

We are aware of fear of failure paralyzing us and making us unable to go for our dreams. Sometimes we have failed before therefore we do not want to try again.

Another fear to become familiar with is fear of success. You have failed many times that you are afraid to succeed. OR you are so used to your status quo that you fear the unknown, even when the unknown has the potential to change your life for better.

Success might mean that you leave your house, home, your family, your neighborhood, and your friends. It might mean that you leave your comfort zone. The thought of this makes you stuck and unable to make the decision. Then the opportunity passes and goes to someone else.

This happens with many women as you go to your friends and family members for advice and they tell you, “no please don’t do that, it is too much”. They fill your head with what ifs? They convince you to not take the plunge, “you will lose too much time”. What if you pursue that, by the time you finish you will be too old to have children ????.

They will remind you of the biological clock even though you are not in a committed relationship. They will tell you to wait – a man will appear, and you may be out there on your own – they tell you. Or why not get a child while you are still able to do that – "don’t pursue that career dream" you will end up alone.

You are timid and don’t trust your judgement because as girls you were not raised to believe in yourself or to be trusted to make big decisions. These were done for you by your father and brothers, and so as an adult you find it difficult to make major decisions and to take risks. You prefer safety and not rock the boat.

I believe that you are better off listening to you and your inner self. Your conviction, your desires, and your long-term goals. When you stop listening to everyone else, you will find progress and you will not be afraid of success. You will see success and embrace it, not run away from it.

You can sabotage your own success if you do the following.

You quit when your goal is in sight - hold on to the finish line.

Recognize self-destructive behaviors that may make success impossible. This includes things like playing small, not accepting praise, downplaying achievements so that others do not feel bad or not to look flashy or boastful, avoiding being center of attention when you clearly deserve it

When you procrastinate and you are overthinking sending that email asking for promotion, you procrastinate sending that letter to the mail for that job offer, making that application for further studies, or you are taking your sweet time to submit that project report.

Some people hide their fear of success in perfectionism. You are working hard and keeping the bar very high, but by holding that bar too high, you fail to reach it, ending in disappointment and you give up. Instead do make sure your goals are realistic and attainable.

𝑩𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 type 𝒐𝒇 𝒈𝒊𝒓𝒍 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒄𝒍𝒊𝒎𝒃𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒍𝒂𝒅𝒅𝒆𝒓 𝒘𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒈 𝒃𝒚 𝒘𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒈.

– 𝑴𝒂𝒆 𝑾𝒆𝒔𝒕

failure

“I FAILED”

"𝑫𝒐 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒋𝒖𝒅𝒈𝒆 𝒎𝒆 𝒃𝒚 𝒎𝒚 𝒔𝒖𝒄𝒄𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒆𝒔, 𝒋𝒖𝒅𝒈𝒆 𝒎𝒆 𝒃𝒚 𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒚 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆𝒔 𝑰 𝒇𝒆𝒍𝒍 𝒅𝒐𝒘𝒏 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒈𝒐𝒕 𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌 𝒖𝒑 𝒂𝒈𝒂𝒊𝒏”. – 𝑵𝒆𝒍𝒔𝒐𝒏 𝑴𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒍𝒂

This is how I felt for the longest time after the end of my first marriage, and years after that. I felt like a total failure. I could not keep a man. A few years after our marriage my husband started having affairs. It was hard. I was crushed. I became even more unhappy than I already was. She was beautiful. I was ugly (my interpretation). I was not a good wife. Someone took my husband. I didn’t know what to do. At that time, I never even thought about leaving. I was too young. I became angry. I had failed.

It reinforced my childhood belief that I was ugly. Growing up I was tall, much taller than my agemates, and lanky. My ears were big, and my hair was always cut short. I was teased about my big ears “ite otegore”. I grew up believing I was ugly.

With infidelity, my insecurities came back. I was not good enough. I had failed. Wrong!! Wrong!! Wrong!!

These thoughts are false now, and they were false then. I know better now. Just because it did not work out does not mean that you failed. It means that you were incompatible. It means that both of you fell apart at some point in your relationship and what attracted both of you to each other was no longer able to keep you together as a couple. We hadn’t even taken time to know each other well before our marriage.

If it is not a failure, then what it is.

It is an opportunity. It is a choice. It may not have been your choice but now it is your choice. Use it as an opportunity for self-discovery, and self-love. It is an opportunity to fall in love again with yourself first, then with someone else.

It is an opportunity for a makeover, to repackage yourself as a new person with new and better desires, different goals in life, and different priorities. It is an opportunity to be independent and chart a new path for yourself. It is an opportunity to:

Have a new purpose in life

Go back to school

Start that income generating project that you have been thinking about

Take that trip that was impossible

Taking care of your money and start saving

Start a new life with new friends, new neighbors, new social circle.

Build a new community of great friendship.

God has given you an opportunity for a do-over, take it. You have not failed. FAILING IS NOT TRYING AGAIN. Not getting up. Giving up is failing. Get up and keep going.

In my life’s story I have failed many times. I failed the first time I got pregnant while in high school. I have failed in many things after that.

As a straight A student, I failed my first two exams in nursing school, and I had to go through counseling, one more fail and I’d be dropped from the course - humbling.

I failed my first DOT examination for Medical Examiners, by one point. It hurt.

For as long as we live, we are going to fail at something. Get up and keep going. Get help as necessary. A broken relationship is just that. It did not work out.

I have made many mistakes. I have failed my children and my husband many times, and I have been forgiven many times; Therefore, it is easy for me to forgive and to understand.

That is why I want to take this coaching journey with you. I can help you Start Over, I have been there many times. LADIES, message me through messenger if you would like more information.

Every time I think of failure or success I think about Michael Jordan, one of the greatest athletes of my generation.

"𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒎𝒊𝒔𝒔𝒆𝒅 𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒏 9,000 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒕𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒆𝒆𝒓. 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒍𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒂𝒍𝒎𝒐𝒔𝒕 300 𝒈𝒂𝒎𝒆𝒔. 26 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆𝒔, 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒕𝒓𝒖𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒈𝒂𝒎𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒏𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒎𝒊𝒔𝒔𝒆𝒅. 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒇𝒂𝒊𝒍𝒆𝒅 𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒂𝒈𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆. 𝑨𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒊𝒔 𝒘𝒉𝒚 𝑰 𝒔𝒖𝒄𝒄𝒆𝒆𝒅." – 𝑴𝒊𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒆𝒍 𝑱𝒐𝒓𝒅𝒂𝒏.

you can think for yourself

You can think for yourself!

𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝒌𝒆𝒚 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒏𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒍𝒆𝒕 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒆𝒍𝒔𝒆 𝒕𝒆𝒍𝒍 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒌.”

― 𝑺𝒖𝒔𝒂𝒏 𝑴𝒆𝒊𝒔𝒔𝒏𝒆𝒓

“𝑾𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒈𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒑 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒎𝒂𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒍𝒊𝒆𝒔 𝒂𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖?”

― 𝑴𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒍𝒆𝒊𝒏𝒆 𝑩𝒓𝒆𝒏𝒕

Are people around you always telling you what to do? Your parents, brothers, older sisters, or bossy friends. Are you always doing what you are being told? Or asking for suggestions all the time on what to do next? Are you often undecided?

You can figure things out and you can make decisions. You already made a most difficult decision to leave a marriage. Being alone should not mean being incapable of making good decisions. If you have been told before that you can’t and that you shouldn’t, this is the time to say to yourself that you can and you will. Maybe you were in a relationship where the man made all the decisions and your job was to follow the orders or his suggestions. It is time now to take up the responsibility of making all the decisions that affect your life.

We use our minds to worry, obsess, and second guess everything. We wonder if we made the correct decision. Start regaining your power.

10 points will help you think for yourself regardless of what others are thinking.

Listen to your needs and wants, do not discount them, and do not be ashamed of them.

Do not be in denial. Stop lying to yourself by making excuses for yourself and for others.

Stop worrying about what other people will think.

Evaluate criticism you receive and trash those that bring you down.

When you decide, stick to it, if it proves to be a wrong decision, learn from it. Mistakes are part of life. You will be wiser.

Do not second guess yourself, trust your instincts.

You are allowed to change your mind repeatedly, do not let people tell you that you cannot change your mind.

Feed your mind with good thoughts. Make good decisions on what to read, watch, see, smell, touch, and feel. If it is not going to make you feel good, do not indulge in it.

Let others think what they want to think, it is their business. Even if they think that you are making a mistake.

Evaluate your decisions from time to time to stay on track, or rethink of a better decision and implement it.

“𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒔 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒐𝒘𝒆𝒓 𝒕𝒐 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒓𝒐𝒍; 𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒃𝒆𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒆𝒎𝒐𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒚 𝒘𝒆 𝒗𝒊𝒆𝒘 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒍𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒔𝒖𝒓𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅𝒔 𝒖𝒔. 𝑰𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒍𝒚 𝒓𝒆-𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒌 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒌 𝒐𝒇 𝒐𝒏 𝒂 𝒅𝒂𝒊𝒍𝒚 𝒃𝒂𝒔𝒊𝒔, 𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝒅𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒆𝒙𝒑𝒆𝒄𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒆𝒗𝒐𝒍𝒗𝒆 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒐 𝒂 𝒃𝒆𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒐𝒇; 𝒘𝒊𝒔𝒅𝒐𝒎, 𝒕𝒓𝒖𝒕𝒉, 𝒖𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒂𝒍𝒍, 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒔?”

― 𝑴𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒊𝒏 𝑹. 𝑳𝒆𝒎𝒊𝒆𝒖𝒙

“𝑰 𝒂𝒎 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒒𝒖𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑮𝒐𝒅'𝒔 𝒑𝒐𝒘𝒆𝒓! 𝑰𝒕 𝒊𝒔 𝑮𝒐𝒅 𝒘𝒉𝒐 𝒈𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒖𝒔 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒐𝒏 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒄𝒊𝒓𝒄𝒖𝒎𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏! 𝑰𝒕 𝒊𝒔 𝑮𝒐𝒅 𝒘𝒆 𝒔𝒆𝒓𝒗𝒆 𝒃𝒚 𝒆𝒙𝒆𝒓𝒄𝒊𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒑𝒓𝒖𝒅𝒆𝒏𝒄𝒆!”

― 𝑫𝒂𝒏 𝑩𝒓𝒐𝒘𝒏

Awareness & Acceptance

“𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝒇𝒊𝒓𝒔𝒕 𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒑 𝒕𝒐𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒅𝒔 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒂𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒆𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒔, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒆𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒅 𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒑 𝒊𝒔 𝒂𝒄𝒄𝒆𝒑𝒕𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒆.” - 𝑵𝒂𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒊𝒆𝒍 𝑩𝒓𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒏

The hardest thing to do when everything seems to be falling apart is to practice acceptance. It is hard to accept that your husband sought another woman instead of you. It is hard to accept that your marriage is falling apart. It is hard to accept that all the dreams that you created around your relationship has been reduced to ashes.

It was also hard to believe that you are alone. A single mother with children. Sometimes you try so much to keep the status quo, to have things the way they were or the way that you wish them to be, that you are reduced to begging, nagging, and engaging in other self-destructive activities.

You may not like the situation that you find yourself in, but you can choose to accept it. Accept that your partner is who he is. Accept that you are by yourself, a single mother with no support from your ex. Accept that things did not go the way you had hoped.

Accept also that people will not understand your situation and that you may lose not just a husband or partner, but also friends that you shared.

As hard as it is to accept, it is still the best thing to do, practice acceptance. You can choose to accept your situation even if you feel that it is an injustice that is being done to you.

Life is too short to keep walking on eggshells

Life is too short to impose limitations on yourself

Life is too short to sweat the small stuff

Life is too short to do nothing

Life is too short to try to please everybody

Life is too short to use blame, shame or guilt

“𝑵𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒃𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 𝒅𝒐𝒘𝒏 𝒘𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒔 𝒂𝒔 𝒔𝒖𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒚 𝒂𝒔 𝒂𝒄𝒄𝒆𝒑𝒕𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒆.”― 𝑫𝒆𝒆𝒑𝒂𝒌 𝑪𝒉𝒐𝒑𝒓𝒂

STARTING OVER

STARTING OVER

𝑰𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒆, 𝒈𝒐 𝒂𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒆. 𝑾𝒂𝒍𝒌 𝒂𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒆, 𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒗𝒆𝒍 𝒂𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒆, 𝒍𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒂𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒆., 𝒅𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒆 𝒂𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒆. 𝑱𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒂 𝒘𝒉𝒊𝒍𝒆. 𝑰𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒆, 𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒏 𝒘𝒉𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒍𝒅 𝒊𝒔𝒏’𝒕 𝒅𝒆𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒃𝒆 𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒚 𝒐𝒓 𝒂𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓. 𝑾𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒆, 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒐𝒑𝒑𝒐𝒓𝒕𝒖𝒏𝒊𝒕𝒚 𝒕𝒐 𝒘𝒂𝒍𝒌 𝒂𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒆, 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒂 𝒃𝒊𝒕, 𝒊𝒔 𝒂 𝒓𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒈𝒊𝒇𝒕, 𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆. – 𝑩𝒓𝒊𝒂𝒏𝒏𝒂 𝑾𝒊𝒆𝒔𝒕.

Some people will tolerate abuse and name calling rather than calling it quits in a marriage. You have been able to quit, but the challenge now is being alone.

Friends disappear for reasons you do not understand. Maybe they do not know how to handle it, what to say to you, or they think you need space. Do not blame them.

Work on yourself. It is easy to feel like you want to go back, because it is lonely, and you had memories together. You have kids. Maybe you are looking at old photos or heard familiar music that remind you of him. And you miss him. It’s normal.

It will get better. Look hard at yourself and decide what you deserve. Are you better with him or without him? Do you want to go back? Some people put conditions before going back, I have been there too, hoping that this time things would be better. Different.

It is all up to you. You are the only one who knows where the shoe pinches.

Being single is not the worst thing that can happen to you. Think about it. You could be sick or jobless, or in an accident, or worse. It may turn out to be the best thing that happened to you. Plenty of testimonials out there.

Feelings of guilt, loneliness, and regret are not going to disappear immediately. You were in a relationship for some time, give yourself time to heal.

This is not time to meet new people, find new friends, and invite people over to your house to hang out. You do not need any pity parties. This is a time to reflect.

Go out of course, have fun, visit the sick, volunteer, play with kids, be busy, but at the end of the day, be by yourself and reflect on your situation. Look at the pros and cons and learn to forgive yourself daily.

𝑾𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒂 𝒘𝒐𝒎𝒂𝒏 𝒓𝒊𝒔𝒆𝒔 𝒖𝒑 𝒊𝒏 𝑮𝒍𝒐𝒓𝒚, 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒆𝒏𝒆𝒓𝒈𝒚 𝒊𝒔 𝑴𝒂𝒈𝒏𝒆𝒕𝒊𝒄, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒔𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝑷𝒐𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒃𝒊𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚 𝒊𝒔 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒈𝒊𝒐𝒖𝒔 – 𝑴𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒂𝒏𝒏𝒆 𝑾𝒊𝒍𝒍𝒊𝒂𝒎𝒔𝒐𝒏

Take Time

TAKE TIME FOR YOUR SELF

“𝑲𝒆𝒆𝒑 𝒘𝒂𝒍𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒓𝒎. 𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒓𝒂𝒊𝒏𝒃𝒐𝒘 𝒊𝒔 𝒘𝒂𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒐𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒔𝒊𝒅𝒆.” – 𝑯𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝑺𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍𝒖𝒇𝒔𝒆𝒏.

When starting over, it is important to take the time to reconnect with yourself before getting into another relationship.

During this time, you need to build yourself up personally, emotionally, socially, psychologically, and financially. It is time to get clarity.

In any relationship it takes two people for it to work or to tumble. Look at the areas in which you contributed to the fall of the previous relationship and see how you can do to improve on that. Time will provides that clarity.

Do not be in a hurry. When you decide to engage again make sure that your partner:

• Does not need you emotionally to stabilize them

• Is not broken and needs you to fix him/her

• Is bouncing off of a relationship and needs a shoulder to cry on (Avoid rebound relationships)

• Is not in some sort of “problem” and needs you to bail them out

• Is not psychologically unstable with mood swings that vary and are extreme

• Does not need you financially to take care of him/her

How do you know that he or she is the one?

• When there is no reason to need you. That they want you.

• When they love you for who you are and do not need you to complete them.

• Make sure you are complete too and that you do not need someone to complete you.

• When they can do without you but chose to be with you.

• When they like your company and prefers to spend time with you.

• When they want to be your companion in this relationship and in life in order to do things together with you. Someone who likes to be in your presence, no matter what you are doing

“𝑺𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒅𝒂𝒚 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒉𝒖𝒓𝒕, 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒐𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒄𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒅 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒘𝒉𝒐 𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒏. 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒛𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒆𝒄𝒓𝒆𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒃𝒆𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒇𝒓𝒆𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒓𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏𝒈𝒆, 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒍𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 𝒖𝒏𝒇𝒐𝒍𝒅 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒊𝒓 𝒘𝒐𝒏 𝒘𝒂𝒚 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒐𝒘𝒏 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆. 𝑨𝒇𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒎𝒂𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒔 𝒊𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒇𝒊𝒓𝒔𝒕 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒍𝒂𝒔𝒕 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒐𝒇 𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆 𝒘𝒉𝒊𝒄𝒉 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒘𝒔 𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝒘𝒆𝒍𝒍 𝒘𝒆 𝒓𝒂𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒆. 𝑺𝒐 𝑺𝑴𝑰𝑳𝑬, 𝑳𝑨𝑼𝑮𝑯, 𝑭𝑶𝑹𝑮𝑰𝑽𝑬, 𝑩𝑬𝑳𝑰𝑬𝑽𝑬, 𝑨𝑵𝑫 𝑳𝑶𝑽𝑬 𝑨𝑳𝑳 𝑶𝑽𝑬𝑹 𝑨𝑮𝑨𝑰𝑵.” – 𝑼𝒏𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘𝒏.

Learn to Blow your own Horn

“𝑺𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆𝒔, 𝒊𝒅𝒆𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒄 𝒑𝒆𝒐𝒑𝒍𝒆 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒑𝒖𝒕 𝒐𝒇𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒉𝒐𝒍𝒆 𝒃𝒖𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒏𝒆𝒕𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒔 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒂𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒃𝒚𝒇𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒚 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒖𝒊𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇𝒊𝒔𝒉 𝒂𝒅𝒗𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒈𝒆. 𝑩𝒖𝒕 𝒗𝒊𝒓𝒕𝒖𝒆 𝒊𝒏 𝒐𝒃𝒔𝒄𝒖𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒚 𝒊𝒔 𝒓𝒆𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒅𝒆𝒅 𝒐𝒏𝒍𝒚 𝒊𝒏 𝑯𝒆𝒂𝒗𝒆𝒏. 𝑻𝒐𝒔𝒖𝒄𝒄𝒆𝒆𝒅 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒍𝒅, 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘𝒏 𝒕𝒐 𝒑𝒆𝒐𝒑𝒍𝒆.”- 𝑺𝒐𝒏𝒊𝒂 𝑺𝒐𝒕𝒐𝒎𝒂𝒚𝒐𝒓.

“𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒌 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒘𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒏 𝒂𝒔 𝒊𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒚 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒆 𝒍𝒂𝒅𝒊𝒆𝒔 𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒐𝒇 𝒓𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍 𝒄𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒆𝒔. 𝑵𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒐𝒇 𝒖𝒔 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆 𝒊𝒏 𝒄𝒂𝒍𝒎 𝒘𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒔 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒍𝒊𝒗𝒆𝒔.”

- 𝑱𝒂𝒏𝒆 𝑨𝒖𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒏.

Being timid is not becoming of you. Always in the background. Working harder than anyone else that you know. Putting in the time and effort and getting minimal recognition. When the promotions come, you are always left behind. You train them and they become your boss. You are tired, and you are disheartened. It is becoming more and more difficult to wake up in the morning and go to work.

You have worked hard on your marriage, taken disappointment and tragedy and turned them into wins and successes. You have gone out of your way to please the in-laws. Bought them things they needed, turned their life around. Refurbished and renovated old houses, helped whenever needed. But you are still the bad one. The one who is pushy, and who is sitting on their son.

You have done all you can for your live-in boyfriend. You are not even married to him. He lost his job and you continued with the relationship, supporting both of you and the children. You have helped by giving him money to start a business. The business flopped, nothing to show of it. The next project also met with the same fate. You are constantly fighting with him over small things and you are being accused of being bossy, a failure, and not a good wife, parent, provider, etc. You are confused, frustrated, and alone.

Sometimes you have to blow your own horn. If you have been waiting for others to praise you, to recognize how much you have done for them and continue doing. If you are hoping that one day they will come to you and say “thank you”, you may be disappointed. Save yourself and start blowing your own horn.

One of my bosses told me this, and I thought she was joking. When I started blowing my own horn, the promotions started coming. If I did something at work worth mentioning, I made sure to tell anyone ready to listen, or just about mention it to everyone. During the year, I wrote down in a diary things I achieved daily. On my evaluation form at the end of the year, I took my time to let my bosses know. I had reference – my diary, complete with dates. I needed extra space to tell them how good an employee that I was.

On the home front much earlier on, my sister had told me to not bother trying to please the in-laws as they had already decided I was not worth their son. Regardless of what I did, the tag remained. I shifted my focus and did what was best for me.

My advice is this, if you are not getting recognition in the things that you are doing, then learn to blow your own horn, sing your praises, lift yourself up. You are doing great, you are working hard at being the best that you can be, helping others, and just being a good human.

Learn to blow your own horn, as no one will do that for you. Unfortunately, we wait for people to die for us to tell them how much they meant to us.

“𝑩𝒆𝒕𝒘𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒇𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒚 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒂𝒅𝒎𝒊𝒓𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒐𝒇𝒕𝒆𝒏 𝒇𝒍𝒐𝒘𝒔 𝒂 𝒓𝒊𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒐𝒇 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒎𝒑𝒕.”

- 𝑴𝒊𝒏𝒏𝒂 𝑨𝒏𝒕𝒓𝒊𝒎.

. “𝑳𝒐𝒐𝒌 𝒄𝒍𝒐𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒚 𝒂𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒔𝒆 𝒘𝒉𝒐 𝒑𝒂𝒕𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒊𝒛𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖. 𝑯𝒂𝒍𝒇 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒖𝒏𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝒉𝒂𝒍𝒇 𝒖𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒖𝒈𝒉𝒕.”

- 𝑱𝒐𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒏 𝑾𝒐𝒍𝒇𝒈𝒂𝒏𝒈 𝑽𝒐𝒏 𝑮𝒐𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒆.

Mood Swings

𝐌𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐒𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬

“𝑫𝒐𝒏’𝒕 𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒐𝒏 𝒂 𝒘𝒂𝒍𝒍, 𝒉𝒐𝒑𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒕 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒏𝒔𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒎 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒐 𝒂 𝒅𝒐𝒐𝒓.” – 𝑪𝒐𝒄𝒐 𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒆𝒍

“𝑰𝒕 𝒊𝒔 𝒃𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒕𝒐 𝒍𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒂 𝒄𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒍𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒏 𝒄𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒅𝒂𝒓𝒌𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒔.” – 𝑬𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒏𝒐𝒓 𝑹𝒐𝒐𝒔𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒍𝒕

“𝑺𝒕𝒐𝒑 𝒘𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒘𝒊𝒔𝒉𝒃𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒃𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆.” – 𝑬𝒍𝒊𝒛𝒂𝒃𝒆𝒕𝒉 𝑮𝒊𝒍𝒃𝒆𝒓𝒕

If you are going through separation or divorce you may be going through mood swings that include:

Depression

Resentment

Anger

Guilt

Frustration

Crying spells

Sleeplessness

A sense of losing control.

All the above is normal immediately after separation or divorce. They become bad and crippling if you stay there too long. You have to let go. He is not for you. Let him go even if you think that you still love him. Do yourself a favor and start being at peace with being without him.

Sometimes it is not over until it is over. You have to make the decision that it is over so that you can move on. Are you still holding on, hoping that he will come back? Or come looking for you, to beg you to go back? I hope not. It is time to move on. Do yourself that favor and start thinking about you.

Start Over. Start to love and chose yourself. Respect yourself and stop feeling guilty about what happened. Stop feeling bad about being relieved.

Do not try to qualify yourself to win the love of someone who is unqualified to have that love.

Start creating boundaries and only letting those who bring joy to your life in. Those who decided to abandon you are not for you. Let them go too.

Be consistent about what you want and what you do not want. Do not negotiate your boundaries and do not settle for less than you deserve this time round. Protect you.

𝑺𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒑𝒆𝒐𝒑𝒍𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒆𝒗𝒆 𝒉𝒐𝒍𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒐𝒏 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒔𝒊𝒈𝒏𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒆𝒏𝒈𝒕𝒉. 𝑯𝒐𝒘𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓, 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆𝒔 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒊𝒕 𝒕𝒂𝒌𝒆𝒔 𝒎𝒖𝒄𝒉 𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒆𝒏𝒈𝒕𝒉 𝒕𝒐 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒕𝒐 𝒍𝒆𝒕 𝒈𝒐 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒅𝒐 𝒊𝒕. – 𝑨𝒏𝒏 𝑳𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓𝒔.

Fall in love with you

“𝑬𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚𝒃𝒐𝒅𝒚 𝒉𝒂𝒔 𝒂 𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒃𝒐𝒅𝒚 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒔𝒉𝒆 𝒅𝒐𝒆𝒔𝒏’𝒕 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆, 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝑰’𝒗𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒑𝒑𝒆𝒅 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒊𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝑰 𝒅𝒐𝒏’𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒄𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒒𝒖𝒆 𝒏𝒂𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒆’𝒔 𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒊𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒌 … 𝑴𝒚 𝒋𝒐𝒃 𝒊𝒔 𝒔𝒊𝒎𝒑𝒍𝒚 𝒕𝒐 𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒐𝒘 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒍𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒆 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒎𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒑𝒊𝒆𝒄𝒆.” — 𝑨𝒍𝒇𝒓𝒆 𝑾𝒐𝒐𝒅𝒂𝒓𝒅

“𝑫𝒐𝒏’𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆 𝒔𝒐 𝒎𝒖𝒄𝒉 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝒎𝒖𝒄𝒉 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒆𝒊𝒈𝒉. 𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒏𝒐 𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒅-𝒏𝒖𝒎𝒃𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝒃𝒐𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝒊𝒅𝒊𝒐𝒕𝒊𝒄, 𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇-𝒅𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒖𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒅𝒊𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒊𝒐𝒏 𝒇𝒓𝒐𝒎 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒇𝒖𝒏 𝒐𝒇 𝒍𝒊𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈.” — 𝑴𝒆𝒓𝒚𝒍 𝑺𝒕𝒓𝒆𝒆𝒑

To be confident and aim for independence, you need to be in love with yourself and that includes being in love with the body that you have.

Comparing and hating yourself will only further feed into your general insecurity. The feeling that you are inadequate. You are not as good as ….. The other woman is more beautiful, more smart, more educated, younger, and with the perfect figure. No.

You do not know her story. You do not know her insecurities, sickness, fears or inadequacies that she is going through. Do not waste your time thinking or comparing yourself to her or to others. You were made perfect. Look at that mirror and start loving the person looking back at you.

“𝑻𝒐 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇 𝒂𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒂 𝒎𝒊𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒍𝒆, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒆𝒆𝒌 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒇𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇, 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒏𝒐𝒘. 𝑨𝒏𝒅 𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒊𝒔 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒘𝒆 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒘𝒉𝒐 𝒘𝒆 𝒂𝒓𝒆.” — 𝑨𝒏𝒏𝒆 𝑳𝒂𝒎𝒐

“𝑬𝒂𝒄𝒉 𝒊𝒏𝒅𝒊𝒗𝒊𝒅𝒖𝒂𝒍 𝒘𝒐𝒎𝒂𝒏’𝒔 𝒃𝒐𝒅𝒚 𝒅𝒆𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆 𝒂𝒄𝒄𝒆𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒐𝒏 𝒊𝒕𝒔 𝒐𝒘𝒏 𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒎𝒔.” — 𝑮𝒍𝒐𝒓𝒊𝒂 𝑺𝒕𝒆𝒊𝒏𝒆𝒎𝒕𝒕

YOU ARE NOT BROKEN

𝑰𝒏𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒐𝒇 𝒔𝒂𝒚𝒊𝒏𝒈, “𝑰’𝒎 𝒅𝒂𝒎𝒂𝒈𝒆𝒅, 𝑰’𝒎 𝒃𝒓𝒐𝒌𝒆𝒏, 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒕𝒓𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒊𝒔𝒔𝒖𝒆𝒔”, 𝒔𝒂𝒚 “𝑰’𝒎 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝑰’𝒎 𝒓𝒆𝒅𝒊𝒔𝒄𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒎𝒚𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇, 𝑰’𝒎 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒓. – 𝑯𝒐𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒊𝒐 𝑱𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒔

Starting over is hard and you second guess yourself many times. You listen to voices from all over the place. Your family, your friends, your relatives, and your church group all have something to say about what you should do.

It is time to stop and listen to that voice from within. What is it telling you? Are you happy? Is this what you want for yourself? Will you be happy living this life 5 years from now?

Do not be bogged down by what is going on in your life right now. It is temporary and only there to catapult you to the life that is waiting for you to discover. Nothing is permanent. No suffering is permanent. Do not give up, you are not broken. You are being refined.

All the mistakes that you have made through life was in preparation for what lay ahead. Be ready to embrace change and to make change happen. Sometimes you have to act, to forge ahead, but first you must know where you are at this time in your life.

It is time to sit and think, meditate, and sleep on it. Ask yourself that question again one week from now. Your answer will come from within. Maybe it is time to start over.

𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒄𝒂𝒏𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒈𝒐 𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒎𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒂 𝒏𝒆𝒘 𝒃𝒆𝒈𝒊𝒏𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒓𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒎𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒂 𝒃𝒓𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒏𝒆𝒘 𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈. - 𝑱𝒂𝒎𝒆𝒔 𝑺𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒎𝒂𝒏